Tag Archive | marriage

Frustrations and decisions

Yesterday I was a lot frustrated about a decision my husband made without input from me. The details of the decision doesn’t really matter much. Well, it did to me. 

I have this problem, though. When I am frustrated, I shut down. I find it hard to concentrate or attend to my family like we all need. (Anyone else this way?) Honestly, I felt as if my insides were exploding, because I just couldn’t believe that he didn’t consider my feelings. 

I posted on my FB page, confessing that despite our great marriage, my husband and I really suck at communication. We talk about the small things, but anything over the size of a bread box gets swept under the rug. Even when we say we will talk about something later, we don’t. My question to my 12 or so friends who listen, was “What area could use improvement in your marriage?”

Sometimes, our online lives and marriages and children look a lot healthier, happier and put together than they are. (Or we have the other extreme, where our lives and marriages and children really suck, but those make me feel sorry for THEM, not me!) I like to talk about the hard stuff. If I don’t who will?

The most common answer was “Communication”. This led me to ask why communication is such an issue in so many marriages. How come we can get naked with this person we married, but we can’t talk to them? No one really answered that question.

Listen, I want to be one of those bloggers that I admire who seem to have an answer or they’ve been through it already and have moved on to talking about it, so they have the voice of experience. Or they can relate their experience biblicaly. I don’t. I don’t have the answers and I haven’t gone through it and I don’t have an experienced voice. Unless you want to know how NOT to do something, and we rarely ever google how to not do something. If you did, I’m sure you’d land on my blog. 🙂

So, the hubs and I, after a day of frustration, talked a bit. We didn’t really come to an agreement, but I did feel a lot better because he heard me and he listened. I’m positive he thinks I am a lunatic for the way I think, but that’s his problem. He knew it when he married me. 

So, why is it hard to talk about the hard stuff? I hope you came here because you have the answers, not because you need them. Could I interest you in a few problems? 

 

14 Things in 14 Years

I am sure you are tired of hearing me shouting from the mountain tops “I’ve been married 14 years!!!”. Can you stand it just one more time? I mean, now I have been married 14 years and one day, after all. 🙂

It’s almost impossible to be married this long without learning a few things. Marriage has taught me much more than patience and grace (kidding honey!). (having kids teaches you that). Here are 14 things I have learned about marriage, in honor of 14 years of marriage!

1. I’m not always right. I’m just not. This is where my husband learns patience and grace. It can’t be easy being married to someone who thinks she can’t ever be wrong.

2. If my husband looks at what I’m buying and says “maybe you should try it on” or “I think you would get the bigger one”, LISTEN! I should not drive home 2 ours and realize it is a bit too small for my growing belly. It automatically becomes your Pre-teen’s, then.

3. When he says the speed limit on that road is 35, it really is. You don’t need to “prove” it because you will look like a fool.

4. Pregnancy after 14 years of marriage is much different than at one year of marriage. It doesn’t come with the same drama. Patience and grace have been accumulated and are much easier to give.

5. If there is something he doesn’t like to do (change diapers), I just do it. It’s not a big deal, even if everyone around tells me “don’t let him get away with that”. I’m thankful that I just do it, especially when one of the kids throws up all over and he cleans it up without hesitation, because he knows I hate it. (or will cry and throw up too)

6. Saying “I’m sorry” will not kill me. It makes me a bit humble too.

7. Marriages can be saved. It started when I took that advice and prayed for God to change ME.

8. The habits I think are “bad” are a part of him. Nobody is perfect and I have a few bad habits of my own.

9. It’s easier for him to be honest with me when I LET him. If he knows I am going to freak out over what he tells me, he is less likely to be forthcoming with the truth.

10. He is not a typical guy. He chose me.

11. When I changed how I talked about him to others, it changed how I felt about him.

12. Respecting him really does make him love me the way I want to be loved.

13. When he brought home flowers at the beginning of our marriage, I shouldn’t have worried about the cost. I also should not have said anything. It was a long, long time before he did it again… And it was my fault.

14. I would do this all again. Every single part of it. The good, the not so good. It’s worth it.

are you married? What has marriage taught you?

Love and Marriage

We met in 1995. We dated for three years. We married in 1998. We moved in together one week after we married. Well, we did have a honeymoon to go on. 😉 In two weeks, we will have been married for 14 years. 14. YEARS. Let that sink in, because I certainly have to shake my head sometimes and say “when did that happen? How did that happen?”. Yet, I’m glad it did.

Our oldest daughter has a fairy tale view of marriage. She seriously thinks it’s all romance, love chocolate, roses, dancing and smooching. It never seems to dawn on her that her dad and I are NOT like that. I honestly think that she must think we are doing it wrong. One day I said “you know, I love your dad. I’m glad I married him, but there are days I look at him and I think ‘what the hell?”.

Just keeping it real here. I do love him, but our marriage ebbs and flows. There are days I am over the moon in love with him. He is my best friend and there is no one else I would rather spend my days with. I can not get enough of him. Then there are days I think “What. The. Hell?”. What was I thinking? How did I get in this mess? How much longer is forever?

We have had our share of really good times, good times, okay times, and um, this really sucks times. Always, always, always we have the “we are in this for life” times and “I’m not going anywhere”. (and if you think you are going somewhere, you take the kids. Cheers!) 14 years ago, we promised, PROMISED, him, me, forever. No matter what. No matter how bad things get, we remember that promise. No matter what, we remember our marriage prayer:

Lord, help us to remember when we first met, and the strong love that grew between us… To work that love into practical things, so nothing can divide us. We ask for words, both kind and loving and hearts always ready to ask forgiveness, as well as forgive. Into your hands, we commit our marriage.

There is no one I would rather be with. There is no one I would rather wake up to. If there are days I am going to think “what the hell?”, I want it to be him I think it with. In the good times, and the bad… Together, always.

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