Tag Archive | Love

Frustrations and decisions

Yesterday I was a lot frustrated about a decision my husband made without input from me. The details of the decision doesn’t really matter much. Well, it did to me. 

I have this problem, though. When I am frustrated, I shut down. I find it hard to concentrate or attend to my family like we all need. (Anyone else this way?) Honestly, I felt as if my insides were exploding, because I just couldn’t believe that he didn’t consider my feelings. 

I posted on my FB page, confessing that despite our great marriage, my husband and I really suck at communication. We talk about the small things, but anything over the size of a bread box gets swept under the rug. Even when we say we will talk about something later, we don’t. My question to my 12 or so friends who listen, was “What area could use improvement in your marriage?”

Sometimes, our online lives and marriages and children look a lot healthier, happier and put together than they are. (Or we have the other extreme, where our lives and marriages and children really suck, but those make me feel sorry for THEM, not me!) I like to talk about the hard stuff. If I don’t who will?

The most common answer was “Communication”. This led me to ask why communication is such an issue in so many marriages. How come we can get naked with this person we married, but we can’t talk to them? No one really answered that question.

Listen, I want to be one of those bloggers that I admire who seem to have an answer or they’ve been through it already and have moved on to talking about it, so they have the voice of experience. Or they can relate their experience biblicaly. I don’t. I don’t have the answers and I haven’t gone through it and I don’t have an experienced voice. Unless you want to know how NOT to do something, and we rarely ever google how to not do something. If you did, I’m sure you’d land on my blog. 🙂

So, the hubs and I, after a day of frustration, talked a bit. We didn’t really come to an agreement, but I did feel a lot better because he heard me and he listened. I’m positive he thinks I am a lunatic for the way I think, but that’s his problem. He knew it when he married me. 

So, why is it hard to talk about the hard stuff? I hope you came here because you have the answers, not because you need them. Could I interest you in a few problems? 

 

Repost: Love Letter

Jessica’s post today at Bohemian Bowmans reminded me of this post I wrote when I still used blogger. It was originally published 6/6/11. Sometimes I still need to hear it.

I received a card and a letter over the weekend that said what I most needed to hear, from the person I most needed to hear it from.

The card says:

Because you refuse to give up when times are tough or follow the easier path…….
Because you stand up for what you believe in and aren’t afraid of what people think……..
Because you’re brave even when you’re unsure of what will happen next and you learn from your mistakes….
Because of all this and more, you’re an inspiration and I know in my heart you can do anything you want to
.

The letter included is 3 pages long, handwritten:

“Dear Amy, I saw this card and it made me think of you….all day long I have been thinking about the words I want to say. You are beautiful. You are kind. You are giving. You are a great mother. You are a great wife. I watch you and I can see that you don’t always believe these things yourself…..I want you to know you are not a failure. I have seen you succeed, when other people said you wouldn’t…..You have a heart for people that are hurting. If I had one wish for you, it would be that you have that same heart for yourself….. Recently I have watched as self doubt and fear has stopped you from doing things you want to do….. You have an amazing faith in God. Lean on Him. Then put one foot forward. You can do this. You are inspiring and a leader. You show people that you believe in them.

I want you to believe in yourself.

I’m sorry for all the times I was hard on you. I’m sorry for the times I didn’t believe in you. I’m sorry that I missed so many opportunities to be your biggest cheerleader…I love you”.
I quoted a lot from the letter, but I did not quote it all. There is no need to. All of the above is very important, very uplifting and very encouraging, however I think the most important part is who signed the card and the letter:

“Amy”

Yes, me.

I was waiting for my husband’s prescriptions to be filled on Friday. I had already perused the shoes and the clothes and the make up and yeah, you get the idea. I checked back in at the pharmacy and had to wait another 10 minutes. I walked over to the card department. I am always looking for another card to send to my Compassion kids, give to my husband, send to my mom, etc. I picked up this card and I. liked. it. I said “I wish someone would see this card and buy it for me. It makes me feel good”. I put it back, hoping. This voice inside whispered “Buy it for yourself”. At first thought, it was kind of a crazy idea, but I picked it up and put it in my basket.

The more I thought about it, the more crazy it didn’t seem. I am harder on myself than I am on any other person. I doubt, I self criticize and I don’t believe in myself. I do not see what other people tell me they see. I don’t love myself the way other people love me.

All the people in the world can love me, but it doesn’t mean a thing unless I love myself.

What do you need to tell yourself? I want to challenge you to write yourself a letter. See in yourself what other people see in you. Write it and believe it. It will make a world of difference in how you feel about yourself.

I pick up the card and I start to cry. I can’t help it.

I didn’t even know I liked myself until I told me.

Love and Marriage

We met in 1995. We dated for three years. We married in 1998. We moved in together one week after we married. Well, we did have a honeymoon to go on. 😉 In two weeks, we will have been married for 14 years. 14. YEARS. Let that sink in, because I certainly have to shake my head sometimes and say “when did that happen? How did that happen?”. Yet, I’m glad it did.

Our oldest daughter has a fairy tale view of marriage. She seriously thinks it’s all romance, love chocolate, roses, dancing and smooching. It never seems to dawn on her that her dad and I are NOT like that. I honestly think that she must think we are doing it wrong. One day I said “you know, I love your dad. I’m glad I married him, but there are days I look at him and I think ‘what the hell?”.

Just keeping it real here. I do love him, but our marriage ebbs and flows. There are days I am over the moon in love with him. He is my best friend and there is no one else I would rather spend my days with. I can not get enough of him. Then there are days I think “What. The. Hell?”. What was I thinking? How did I get in this mess? How much longer is forever?

We have had our share of really good times, good times, okay times, and um, this really sucks times. Always, always, always we have the “we are in this for life” times and “I’m not going anywhere”. (and if you think you are going somewhere, you take the kids. Cheers!) 14 years ago, we promised, PROMISED, him, me, forever. No matter what. No matter how bad things get, we remember that promise. No matter what, we remember our marriage prayer:

Lord, help us to remember when we first met, and the strong love that grew between us… To work that love into practical things, so nothing can divide us. We ask for words, both kind and loving and hearts always ready to ask forgiveness, as well as forgive. Into your hands, we commit our marriage.

There is no one I would rather be with. There is no one I would rather wake up to. If there are days I am going to think “what the hell?”, I want it to be him I think it with. In the good times, and the bad… Together, always.

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