I have been following the journey of the Jone’s at http://gavincarrie.blogspot.com/ for a little over a year now. They welcomed FIVE babies into their lives, when I was having anxiety over one. 🙂
Carrie recently blogged about the birth experience. It brought tears to my eyes. I felt like I was there in that room. I told her this in the comments. In her reply to me, she mentioned that she had checked out my blog and that I was a real blogger. She only blogs about her family, but I blog about life.
In the past year, I’ve barely blogged about anything. It’s not that I don’t think about it, because it crosses my mind quite a bit. I’ve just been wishing for the time when my words flowed easily and the things I wrote about seemed to have meaning and made sense. When that doesn’t get in the way, it’s homeschooling, laundry, dishes, breastfeeding, dinner, feed the baby again, grocery shopping, you know, real life.
To tell the truth, I’ve spent equal amounts of time in the past year overjoyed at the change in our life, and mourning the past. In the past, I had a lot of freedom. The kids were older, they were all in school, I could do a whole lot of what I wanted to do. That rarely happens anymore. Most of my time is sucked up by the wants and needs of others. That’s not to say that I don’t try to meet my wants or needs or that someone else doesn’t meet them for me, it’s just a little more difficult these days.
When I look at Charlee, though, I think “WOW!” I could have never, in a million years, predicted this wonderful addition to our lives. Even though she makes things trickier, she adds a dimension to our lives that I didn’t know I wanted. She has completely changed the hearts of my kids. Or perhaps, I am just now noticing their hearts in action?
So while I am happy, I mourn a little for what once was. I definitely do not regret her joining our family though. For that, we are blessed. 🙂
Another reason for my lack of blogging over the past year, I just don’t want to tell my story. Correction, I don’t want to tell God’s story. I’ve seen his hand in my life, but there is a little trepidation about sharing. I don’t want to appear crazy. Since when did that matter to me, huh? I used to share, in the hopes of encouraging others, no worries about the naysayers. I had a small following of readers from many walks of life. Some were believers, many weren’t. Even when I talked about God, they still read what I wrote. So what stops me now, right?
My goal is to be the blogger Carrie thinks I am. Again. Some stories need to be told for history’s sake, preservation’s sake or for His sake. I may never know the whys or the results, but in the grand scheme of things, that’s not what matters most.
For those of you wondering why I haven’t been on Facebook in over a week. I quit. I didn’t cancel my account, because I do need it for some of the apps I use, I am just choosing to not spend my time there. There’s some real life I need to attend to.
I hope you are well. How can I pray for you today?