I doubt

This is a follow up to yesterday’s post: Forgetting Why I’m Here.

The other half of the equation is I doubt. I worry. I’m afraid. What if I’ve understood wrong? Although I have peace about where I am at, I wonder if I am adequately preparing for the future. When I was working, I had benefits, pay and a retirement plan. Everything I have now will benefit me eternally, but will it take care of my future when things change?

What can change? The big one, on the horizon, is my husband’s health. He is  9 years older than me, and diabetic. He manages his diabetes relatively well, but I know things happen. He is at a greater risk for kidney failure, blindness, etc. Where would I be and what would I do? 

I am smart, I can learn most anything, and I work hard, but typically, those aren’t the  skills employers are looking for on a resume. 😉 It scares me when I hear that employers are looking for college educated employees. I had a pretty great job 8 years ago. I started at the bottom, proved myself and worked my way up. If it came to a point where I had to support the family, I wouldn’t have time to start at the bottom. 

I hear people say that they have regrets. They never thought they’d be divorced and now they are. They were stay at home moms, and felt like they had no where to go and they were going fast. I feel like I should be preparing, but I also feel like, at this time, that is in direct opposition to what God has asked me to do. 

I know. For some of you that is crazy, but I really do rely heavily on my peace of mind and His leading. I pray that I always hear Him correctly and am able to follow. The bible tells us not to worry, but I tend to do it anyway. 

 An interesting side note, is that my mom was a stay at home mom for most of my life. She started working when I was in high school, then she quit when I was getting married. She has always been taken care of. 

Have you been in this situation before? How did you handle it? What should I be doing differently? I’ve tossed around the idea of college classes, I just don’t know that I could pull it off, right now. Thoughts?

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One thought on “I doubt

  1. Amy I think you need to do what is right for both you and your family. You know my thoughts on god but all you can do is what you can. I think you are such a strong person who knows what is right for her family that you do not need to question.

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