What Works for Me

I happened across a blog post this morning about marriage and putting your husband first. The argument is almost as old as the stay at home vs working mom, homeschool vs public schools arguments. I’m not really going to address my opinion on the matter. My attention was drawn to one particular point that the author made. She said something along the lines of “if your children are sleeping with you, you are going to ruin your marriage”. (not her words exactly, just how I remember them)

I started feeling bad. There are some nights I have the time, energy and patience to put Charlee in her own bed. Most nights, however, I am tired and well spent. My day has consisted of laundry, errands, dishes, making dinner, homeschooling and more. So as I am reading this, I am looking over at my husband and thinking “God, he’s gonna leave me”.Ā 

Then I shook some sense into myself. I told myself that what works for one person or family is not necessarily what works for us. My husband has reassured me several times that he doesn’t feel neglected or unloved. He also throws in a “You are doing a great job, hon” for extra husband points.Ā 

We have been married for almost 15 years. We have been through years where we had babies sleeping with us and little time together. We have survived. Our marriage has still thrived. We have moved on to other phases of life and now we are in a phase of life that we have been through before. We will survive and we will thrive again. He has told me “babe, we know this time is temporary, stop putting unrealistic expectations on yourself. Let’s do what works for us”.

He’s such a smart man, I think I am going to take his advice. I can be secure in the knowledge that we are okay. šŸ™‚ And I will continue to remind myself that what works for others, won’t work for us and what works for us won’t work for others and really, it’s all okay.Ā 

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2 thoughts on “What Works for Me

  1. So true. We compare far too often. I can honestly say my babies NEVER slept with us…..but that’s because I couldn’t sleep. Not even if they were in the same room with me. And everyone knows this momma NEEDS her sleep! Keep reminding yourself you don’t have to fix things that aren’t broke šŸ™‚

  2. I agree with you and Lee Ann. Some of us don’t sleep with our babies because we sleep better that way, other people do sleep with their babies… because they sleep better that way! Ha, interesting how that works– Everyone does what works for them! And if we stop picking on each other (or ourselves) about it, we all win šŸ™‚

    My most recent “mommy wars” snafu has actually been with a 50 year old man instead of another mom, LOL! Yeah, ask me about that sometime. But…. again it has me thinking through why something works for me and something else works for others, and I need to remind myself that that’s OK. Something you said about the state and length of your marriage strikes a chord for me. There are many factors in why a family will choose what they choose, and we need to be understanding about that in others and ourselves. It only makes sense, really. One size does not fit all, because we are all different– and different is fine, even GOOD!

    It also says something to me that the man I talked to had his opinions, and your husband has also reassured you and agrees with you. I’ve actually always wondered about some of these “mommy wars” issues– you don’t always get to hear what the dads think. But if it works for the mom AND the dad, then it works. Right? šŸ™‚

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