I happened across a blog post this morning about marriage and putting your husband first. The argument is almost as old as the stay at home vs working mom, homeschool vs public schools arguments. I’m not really going to address my opinion on the matter. My attention was drawn to one particular point that the author made. She said something along the lines of “if your children are sleeping with you, you are going to ruin your marriage”. (not her words exactly, just how I remember them)
I started feeling bad. There are some nights I have the time, energy and patience to put Charlee in her own bed. Most nights, however, I am tired and well spent. My day has consisted of laundry, errands, dishes, making dinner, homeschooling and more. So as I am reading this, I am looking over at my husband and thinking “God, he’s gonna leave me”.
Then I shook some sense into myself. I told myself that what works for one person or family is not necessarily what works for us. My husband has reassured me several times that he doesn’t feel neglected or unloved. He also throws in a “You are doing a great job, hon” for extra husband points.
We have been married for almost 15 years. We have been through years where we had babies sleeping with us and little time together. We have survived. Our marriage has still thrived. We have moved on to other phases of life and now we are in a phase of life that we have been through before. We will survive and we will thrive again. He has told me “babe, we know this time is temporary, stop putting unrealistic expectations on yourself. Let’s do what works for us”.
He’s such a smart man, I think I am going to take his advice. I can be secure in the knowledge that we are okay. 🙂 And I will continue to remind myself that what works for others, won’t work for us and what works for us won’t work for others and really, it’s all okay.
Charlee is our surprise baby.
I found out I was pregnant in April of 2012. (Thanks for catching my error, Monica!) I got up the nerve to tell my husband in May. We confirmed the pregnancy at the doctor’s office, but we kept it to ourselves for three months. On July 3, we shared the news with my parents and our four children. Every day for six months, my son prayed at dinner “God, please let this baby be a boy”. It seemed like a reasonable request. After all, he was the only boy in a sea of girls.
We decided to go against the grain and wait until birth to find out if our precious bundle was going to level out the testosterone in this house. On the day she was born, I heard the sweetest words ever. “It’s a girl!!!!” To tell you the truth, I would have been equally as thrilled if God had blessed us with a boy.
Minutes after Charlee’s birth, my husband was on the phone announcing her to everyone. He was as thrilled as I was. Unfortunately, when he told my son, my son was not thrilled. In fact, he cried. As his mom, I worried. I was so sorry that we had disappointed him. I am thankful to my mom for her part in talking to my son and explaining that God doesn’t always give us what we want, but He always gives us what He needs us to have. Twelve hours later, my son’s tune had changed and he was desperate to go to the hospital and meet this little blessing. Our girls decided on their own that they would give their only brother the honor of holding and loving on the baby first. When he got his hands on her, he fell instantly and totally in ell oh vee eee.
Now two months later, her presence in our lives is absolutely perfect. We can not imagine not having this beautiful baby girl.Jack is still in love with her. He calls her beautiful and he jumps up if she cries. Logistically, a boy would have made more sense, but we have learned that God doesn’t work with logistics. He works with blessings.
And boy, oh boy (I had to say it) are we ever thankful!