I think of her

Charlee is sleeping on my bed right now. Yeah, I know what they say. Don’t do that. But when you have been trying to get a baby to sleep for longer than 15 or 20 minutes for four days, you tend to not want to move them when they finally do it. 

I feel like I check on her every 30 seconds. I check on her to make sure she is okay, that she is still sleeping and that she is still breathing. Every time I check on Charlee, I think of my friend. I think of that horrible, awful day that her daughter was napping on her bed. I think of her as I place my hand on Charlee’s back. I think of how my friend most likely expected to find her baby girl okay and then go back to the things that busy moms do. I think of how she never got back to that stuff that day. 

How many of us HAVEN’T done it? Most of us check on the baby, even though we know they will be okay. We probably even chastise ourselves a little, especially if checking on them wakes them up. 

I think of this every single time I walk in there. I think of Jenny, and I think of her sweet, perfect girl, Megan. I wish that I didn’t have this memory in my mind, but then again, I am thankful that I do. It makes me more patient during those times that Charlee isn’t sleeping and I have a list of things to do. I realize that life is short and it can change at any moment, in any way and there are no do-overs. I don’t ever want to forget Jenny and Megan, and this is why I think of them every time I check on her. 

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