The Moment I Felt that my House Sucked (because I couldn’t think of a better title)

Have you ever gone to someone’s house, then came home and hated yours? Theirs was organized/ clean/ bigger/ fancier/ decorated/ your word choice. Yeah? Me too and it makes me a bit a lot grumpy. My apologies to my family. 

It’s not that I don’t know how blessed I am. It’s not that I don’t realize that we are fortunate, very, very fortunate just to have a roof over our head, lights in the house and heat to keep us warm/ air conditioning to keep us cool. I love that we have lived in the same house our entire married life, with less than a slight desire to ever move. Our house holds memories and I hate to move. 

Sometimes all those positives of our house are overshadowed by someone else’s blessings though. I come home and I see how our house is terribly messy compared to theirs, because we still have school books on the table, there are dishes in the sink and scraps of paper all over the floor from my youngest’s latest art project. Our trim for almost the entire house is still  not up purchased, because we were working on it, then my husband was laid off and all that work came to a halt. Again.

Now we are getting back on our feet after four months of unemployment, but here comes a baby to throw our lives into upheaval again. By the way, that first link, about my husband being laid off? I read it again. It brought tears to my eyes. Dang it. 

So we have this house. It’s not fancy, it’s not big, in fact it’s probably way too small for a family of SEVEN, two dogs and two cats. When we bought it, we never talked about if it was a starter home, or if we were planning on upgrading. We both had jobs when we bought it. Then we started having babies and health problems and our lives felt like they were falling apart. I begged and pleaded and prayed with my husband to be able to quit my job and put our lives back together. He was concerned. It just didn’t work out on paper. I assured him that God would take care of us. And, really, He has, but every once in a while I get pretty pissy and I think “How come He hasn’t taken care of us in the same way that He has other people? Why do we have to live in this house, too small, too undecorated, too unfinished. I’m embarrassed to have people over and I definitely could not have THIS family over. Lord knows what they would think of me then”. Then I reach the assumption that, really, it’s all my fault. I had a good job. I had good benefits. I made good money. I gave it up. 

I asked my husband if everyone had bigger/ fancier/ nicer houses than us or if those were the only people that were brave enough to invite us to their homes. Are there other people in our circle of friends that feel the same way we do? By the way, he said “yes, it does seem like everyone else’s house is nicer”. Our house is like: dishwasher leaks, do it yourself repairs gone wrong. (Please wait for the video… or don’t) 

In all honesty, I don’t want to measure our success by our house. In even more honesty, sometimes I do. I hate that I do that. It makes me grumpy, it makes me less than grateful for everything we have. It makes me wonder how much we can get done before this baby is born and people start coming by to drop off meals and hold the baby and I hope the baby is so cute that they don’t even notice the house. 

Try as I might to rationalize, I think I am headed to Lowe’s today. :-/

 

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9 thoughts on “The Moment I Felt that my House Sucked (because I couldn’t think of a better title)

  1. My house is always a mess. Always. I told Al this Sunday .. My house is a mess like usual .. He said .. I feel right at home. If I came into your house and it was spotless I would think something was wrong. The boys bring their friends over .. And the same mess might be in the same place as last time they were here. I don’t invite people over because I would have to clean. And I’d rather take a nap. Which is what I am gonna do right now. The mess will be here when someone decides to clean. I look at other people’s houses and wonder if they ever take naps. LOL I love naps.

  2. I have a big house. Its the nicest house I’ve ever lived in. And it’s still a mess most of the time, we havent finished painting, and I don’t know if we ever will. Thanks to my MIL, I second guess the red I chose for a majority of the downstairs. Our furniture is broke down, the carpets stained…..

    It’s always something, you know.

  3. I smiled when I read your blog. Awwww… the mother nester. Around the fifth month of pregnancy, the “nesting” instinct sets in to tie up loose ends of old projects and to organize your world. Ofcourse you are a procrastinator so you your nesting insticts are a little slow….and come around the seventh month. 🙂 But I hear you. Sometimes I wish my house (which is our starter home and likely our forever home) was more organized. I try to remember that my goal is to get rid of what we don’t use and give it to those who could use it rather than get a bigger house to hold more stuff. There have been times during my preganancy and when my husband was out of work that we would have lost a larger house but have been able to keep this one because we could do it on less income. That has been a blessing in itself. I pray God will bless you with what you need for this new baby. 🙂

  4. God “took care of” me by giving me a bigger house. Granted, I did live in various dumpy drafty trailers for years, but still. I don’t deserve this nice comfy house. I don’t even work outside the home! How did I get here? Well, I figure it is because I am so slow with spiritual stuff these days, so resistant to God sometimes, that he does things like says, “HERE! Have some money! Have a house that you all fit in! it even has a view!” to get my attention and let me know he is still there, LOL. So when I know people like you, I see that you are much wiser and more trusting than me, to walk in your difficult shoes instead of my easy ones. God knows I can’t handle much, and I feel kinda bad about that. And yes, I know the theology of what I just said here sucks and I’m not making any sense. But I thought you’d like to have my comment on your blog anyway 😉

  5. Hi Amy, I understand completely! Our house is our home and we want our home to be perfect! We will all get one, we just need to wait! In the meantime, don’t worry about the mess and imperfection, Jesus loves it just like that, maybe even more so!

  6. It’s been awhile since I dropped in on your blog. I didn’t know you were expecting again. Great news!

    Between losing my job a few years ago, bad financial decisions of the past, and a host of other things that deserve a higher priority, we realized awhile back that we weren’t moving any time soon. And that’s fine with us. Like you, it’s the only house we’ve had since we’ve been married – almost 30 years now. And the memories are inescapable.

    And it’s also fine with me if the next change of address is when I move into the Father’s house.

  7. Hey Amy!

    I have been checking back to see if you have had your baby yet, but there have not been any new posts in a long time! Hope you are doing ok and that you all are anticipating the arrival! Happy 2013!

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