Archive | December 2012

The Moment I Felt that my House Sucked (because I couldn’t think of a better title)

Have you ever gone to someone’s house, then came home and hated yours? Theirs was organized/ clean/ bigger/ fancier/ decorated/ your word choice. Yeah? Me too and it makes me a bit a lot grumpy. My apologies to my family. 

It’s not that I don’t know how blessed I am. It’s not that I don’t realize that we are fortunate, very, very fortunate just to have a roof over our head, lights in the house and heat to keep us warm/ air conditioning to keep us cool. I love that we have lived in the same house our entire married life, with less than a slight desire to ever move. Our house holds memories and I hate to move. 

Sometimes all those positives of our house are overshadowed by someone else’s blessings though. I come home and I see how our house is terribly messy compared to theirs, because we still have school books on the table, there are dishes in the sink and scraps of paper all over the floor from my youngest’s latest art project. Our trim for almost the entire house is still  not up purchased, because we were working on it, then my husband was laid off and all that work came to a halt. Again.

Now we are getting back on our feet after four months of unemployment, but here comes a baby to throw our lives into upheaval again. By the way, that first link, about my husband being laid off? I read it again. It brought tears to my eyes. Dang it. 

So we have this house. It’s not fancy, it’s not big, in fact it’s probably way too small for a family of SEVEN, two dogs and two cats. When we bought it, we never talked about if it was a starter home, or if we were planning on upgrading. We both had jobs when we bought it. Then we started having babies and health problems and our lives felt like they were falling apart. I begged and pleaded and prayed with my husband to be able to quit my job and put our lives back together. He was concerned. It just didn’t work out on paper. I assured him that God would take care of us. And, really, He has, but every once in a while I get pretty pissy and I think “How come He hasn’t taken care of us in the same way that He has other people? Why do we have to live in this house, too small, too undecorated, too unfinished. I’m embarrassed to have people over and I definitely could not have THIS family over. Lord knows what they would think of me then”. Then I reach the assumption that, really, it’s all my fault. I had a good job. I had good benefits. I made good money. I gave it up. 

I asked my husband if everyone had bigger/ fancier/ nicer houses than us or if those were the only people that were brave enough to invite us to their homes. Are there other people in our circle of friends that feel the same way we do? By the way, he said “yes, it does seem like everyone else’s house is nicer”. Our house is like: dishwasher leaks, do it yourself repairs gone wrong. (Please wait for the video… or don’t) 

In all honesty, I don’t want to measure our success by our house. In even more honesty, sometimes I do. I hate that I do that. It makes me grumpy, it makes me less than grateful for everything we have. It makes me wonder how much we can get done before this baby is born and people start coming by to drop off meals and hold the baby and I hope the baby is so cute that they don’t even notice the house. 

Try as I might to rationalize, I think I am headed to Lowe’s today. :-/