I am overwhelmed. I’ve been this way for almost a year now. It’s not one thing, it’s a succession of many things, large and small, big deals and not such big deals.
I’m overwhelmed at the prospect of having a new member of our family.(due any day now!)
I’m overwhelmed by a legal thing we have going on. I don’t know why that would happen. For three years, I’ve tried to take care of it, then they finally decide that it needs to be settled between January 14th and February 3rd. Yes, I told them that it was not going to happen.
I’m overwhelmed by the death of my brother, homeschooling, house cleaning, food preparing, child rearing, wife duties, home duties, laundry, dishes, doctor appointments and, and, and, and much more.
So, in the past few months, I have pretty much gone off the grid. I haven’t blogged. I haven’t been to church consistently. I haven’t called friends much. Sometimes I don’t even bother to shower, because it’s just one more thing I am overwhelmed by. I mean, taking a shower is easy, but then my hair looks like crap and for once, I want to look good in my hospital pictures, and if I get it wet and don’t fix it, that’s not gonna happen.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am NOT depressed. I have been depressed before and this is different. I am just… overwhelmed.
The other day, Chad and I had a whole day to ourselves. We don’t get those very often anymore, especially since one of our children, who I refuse to mention, but you can all guess, is not the easiest child to leave with other people. She and her sister were invited to a birthday party though, so I knew she would be okay for 3 or 4 hours. So Chad and I went to lunch, where I didn’t have to share any of it, with children or naughty dogs. As we were waiting for our meal, he said “Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed by all the changes in our life”. “Yeah, me too”, I said.Then as I thought about it, I said “You know, maybe we are SUPPOSED to be overwhelmed by everything that has been going on. Maybe we aren’t supposed to have it figured out”. He looked at me like I had suddenly sprouted another head. “When we are overwhelmed, what other choice do we have but to rely on God?”
I’m not exactly sure how HE felt about that train of thought, but since then I noticed that the feeling of being overwhelmed has left me. When it starts to creep up on me again, I pause and remember “I’m not supposed to have this figured out, I am just supposed to continue relying on God”.
Are you overwhelmed? Who are you relying on? Yourself or your faith in God?
Blessings, friends. Hopefully I will be back before baby D is born, but I make no promises. Love you all!